My significant other suggested that I ask each of you to “tuna in” to the Utah Jazz’s upcoming contest against the Oklahoma City Thunder. I don’t know what could have possibly possessed her to ask this of me, nor have I figured out what tuna could have to do with a basketball game of any scale (no pun intended), but now we are both cursed with the knowledge of a heinous maritime pun.
May this article smite us both.
Assuming you, the reader, possess the fortitude to withstand such a gut-wrenching play on words, perhaps you’ll likewise brave the Utah Jazz’s (21-57, 14th in West) impending struggle against the NBA-best Oklahoma City Thunder (61-16, 1st in West) with similar grace. You are stronger than most, and it’ll take a titanium digestive track to bear the disparity between basketball’s strongest record (OKC) and one of its weakest (Utah).
May I turn your attention to Brice Sensabaugh, who has averaged just shy of 20 points in his last 30 games in the absence of Utah’s veterans. Maybe even Ace Bailey, the Jazz rookie who has erased any buzz that he isn’t happy in the Beehive State and has blossomed into one of the most promising young players in his class? Could I interest you in Cody Williams — who is not terrible — the once-deemed ‘lost cause’ who has scored 20 or more points in seven of his last 10 appearances leading up to Oklahoma City?
The Utah Jazz seemed directionless and empty just a season ago, but with another calendar year of sample size and time in the incubator, Utah’s youngsters are among basketball’s most promising, and could make the Jazz one of the deepest and most dangerous teams in 2026 with a healthy Markkanen, JJJ, Kessler, and George leading the charge (and also AJ Dybantsa or Darryn Peterson would be nice, lottery gods, but I’m not picky).
Sure, OKC is the basketball equivalent of a buzzsaw, essentially disintegrating every team it comes in contact with, and sure, they’ll be the favorites to hoist the NBA Finals trophy for the second consecutive season. Sure, they’ll likely make quick work of the visiting Jazz like a sniffling dog sneezing the powdered sugar off a donut. But something is manifesting in Utah. Don’t take this upcoming result as an indicator of these teams’ true value in the coming years.
Will Hardy and his intrepid group of Boy Scouts embarked on an excursion back in October that has lasted 78 games and taken the functionality of the troop’s most veteran members. Now, as Troop 801 comes across the Paycom Center and its native Oklahoma City Thunder. A storm of epic proportions forced the youth to fall under temporary shelter, shivering and frightened as lightning tore the sky, and the thunderous voice of Shai Gilgeous-Alexander followed.
Rain formed puddles, which formed ponds, which turned into lakes. The remaining scouts clung to floating debris like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. Those who honored their parent’s age restriction wishes and hadn’t seen James Cameron’s nautical masterpiece were lost to the storm, but the Thunder’s wrath was withstood by the naughty boys who understand what it means to “paint me like one of your French girls”. Is that irony? Doesn’t matter. The waters are rising, and the Thunder is encroaching.
Suddenly, like a fountain, something shot swiftly from beneath the surface and took to the sky. If just for a moment, it seemed as though the storm… flinched? A sign of weakness? A fleeting glance of possibility for the young and chipper Jazz? The shape shed all ambiguity, revealing its head, tail, and… is that a tuna? Perhaps the task of conquering the Thunder is not impossible — perhaps the undermanned Jazz have a fighting chance after all. With a mighty sploosh, the rallier returned to his origin, having struck a match of hope in these fumbling scouts’ hearts.
[Did I stretch too far for the tuna thing? I feel like I might have.]
Calvin Barrett is a writer, editor, and prolific Mario Kart racer located in Tokyo, Japan. He has covered the NBA and College Sports since 2024.